Tirai No. 8 – One of The Most Sad Thing

I think one of the most sad thing the world is when you cannot be yourself because of social pressure or religious reason or anything else.

Like for examples…

One of my friend told me how badly he wants go out to night club, but he has never do it. His reason is simple. He doesn’t want to be judged as someone bad. Weird, I think. I mean like… how bad is that to go to a night club, listen to music, and dance???

Another friend of mine also told me how he misses drinking wine and smoking, things he used to do. He stop doing those things now, but one of the reason why he decided to stop is the pressure he felt from his circle when he did those things -other than health issue. Yes, tru, smoking and drinking are bad to your body, but what’s with the pressure? As long as he does not disturb other people with his smoke and drink.

And my lesbian and gay friends also told me how they keep on trying to hide their identity, their sex preference. I can see how hard they try to be seen as heterosexual people, like one of them decided to have opposite gender partner just to cover the real partner, and the other decided to introduce the partner as the bestfriend.

And last… Someone I know, once told me that sex before marriage should not be seen as something sinful or immoral. Why? Because she thinks that the desire to have sex is natural. It exist by nature, just like breathing. Immoral is when you force someone to have sex with you a.k.a you rape ’em. Immoral is when you decide to kill your own child just because you don’t want it. But the sex itself, it is not immoral, she said.

For all the examples above that happened to my friends, it doesn’t mean that I agree with them. But just because of my disagreement, it doesn’t mean that I can judge them negative easily, right? Like for example, I am a moeslem and I have no problem with people who have different believes from me, eventhough I don’t accept Chirstianity or Budism or other believes. I don’t jugde them by their religious view. It is simply called tolerance. When you don’t agree with something but you have to deal with it, you tolerate. And I think, they don’t have to feel scared or guilty for the thing they want to be. They don’t have to feel insecure just because they are minority. But I guess that’s the problem with being minority.

Agree?

Or still no? Haha.

And again… I hope y’all can be tru to yourself because it is just sad if you can’t be yourself.

Peace.

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Tirai No. 7

My dear little brother.

Lately I’ve missed him… but it feels like he doesn’t miss me back.

Lately I’ve been distracted by my male friends’ bodies. They keep on making me remember about him.

Lately I’ve been attracted to my male friends’ black shirts. They always suit his body the best.

And lately I’ve been thinking… He is not little anymore. 

My dear not-so-little-anymore brother.

Tirai No. 6

I miss my pets.

Puri The Momma Cat,
Mikki The Civet,
Jane, Nuar, Ari The Kitten born in January,
Cheby The Male Cat Without -sev Behind His Name,
and
Kuri The Turtle.

I just… miss them so bad. ūüė¶

Here goes the brief story about them.

Cheby The Male Cat Without -sev Behind His Name
Pet Number : 1
How I Got Him: I got him from my uncle who got him from his friend.
I don’t know what kind of breed he was, but he was a quite big male cat with medium long furr.
At the time when we (me, my lil bro, and my auntie) brought him home, we were quite nervous. The reason was that because my mom was not a fan of cats. And my mom was the ruler of our home. -______-
To make long story short, in the end, my mom allowed and sounded happy about the cat. It was just confusing yet relieving for the three of us.
Where He Is Now: I don’t know. I lost him.
The thing about me having pets is that I always want them to feel free when they are with me. So… what I did at that time was letting Cheby go out of our home. Yes, I literally let him play in the park in front of our home with no leash on him. I let him climb the tree, visit the neighbours, run between the grass, etc. I also trained him to come back to me when I called him so that I didn’t need to search him when I wanted him to be home.
But then… that time came. The time when I called him but he didn’t come. That’s how I lost him.
Unforgettable Memory with Him: When he was hiding in the car engine and then got hurt because my father turned on the engine with no clue that he was in there. He got surgery later on in the veterinary clinic.

Puri The Momma Cat
Pet Number : 2
How I Got Him: I got her after I lost Cheby, again, from my uncle who got him from his friend. Puri was Cheby’s sister, they said.
This time, I had no difficulty or worry when I adopted her, because it was my mom and dad who brought her home. Thanks to Cheby, my mom started to like cats.
Where She Is Now: To be honest,I don’t remember. I think, we gave her to her new parents because there was no one taking care of her at my parents house. I wasn’t living with my parents, my auntie had been back living in my grandma’s house, my lil brother was in his dormitory, so… yeah, we decided to let her go for the sake of herself.
Unforgettable Memory with Her: When she gave birth 4 kitten, I was “the doctor” to help her through the labour. It was a thrilling and fun experience.

Jane, Nuar, Ari The Kitten born in January
Pet Number : 3
How I Got Them: From Puri. They were her kitten.
Where They Are Now: I gave Nuar to their father’s owner. Jane-Nuar-Ari were Puri and a male cat’s kitten. The deal was to devide the kitten for the mother’s side (which was me) and the father’s side (which I didn’t remember the owner’s name). I kept on raising Jane and Ari. Oh, as I mentioned before, Puri gave birth 4 kitten. The first kitten died because we didn’t realise that Puri was in delivery¬†and to make it worse, Puri sat on the poor kitten and didn’t open the placenta, made it hard to breath. In the end, I gave away Jane and Ari to our friend, together with Puri, because of the reason I’ve written above.
Unforgettable Memory with Them: Their birth day was the most memorable memory for me.

Mikki The Civet
Pet Number : 4
How I Got Them: From my dad.
Where She Is Now:¬†I don’t know. I lost her. The thing that happened to Cheby happened again to her. I let her free, I trained her, but then I lost her. The same sadness¬†I felt again. Perhaps more devastating. I don’t know.
Unforgettable Memory with Her: I have shared some in this post. The thing I love most about me and her was our relationship, that I know we had strong bond. I felt like she only listened to me, not to my father, not to my lil brother, and definitely not to my mother. The other thing about her that I love was that she was very calm during our journey. She had travelled from Bekasi to Bandung, Semarang, and Kudus. And another that made me amazed about her was that how fast she grew from my palm hand size to my arm size just in couple of months.

Kuri The Turtle
Pet Number : 5
How I Got Her: I bought her. I didn’t know for sure what her gender was, but I always believed that she was a female. I bought her because my father needed something that eat wiggler and I thought she would eat that wiggler in our “pond”. It turned out, no, she didn’t eat the wiggler. LOL.
Where She Is Now: In heaven. I killed her. Forgive me.
Unforgettable Memory with Her: I love watching her eating live fish.

Finish.

The thing I love the most about having pets is that pets don’t judge. I can be myself and show myself and tell them my very dark secret or my very sad day to them without worrying being¬†judged.

I love them because they don’t judge.

Unlike human.

Unlike me.

Tirai No. 2

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I am entering the stage where I start thinking about what people say about me.

Be calmer!
Stop being so fussy about everything!
Watch your mouth!
Watch your behaviour!
Think before act!
Stop acting like a child!
Be grown up!

And it makes me think…
What is being grown up?
What does being grown up mean?
If I become more calmer,
if I watch my mouth,
if I watch my behaviour,
if I think before act,
if I stop acting like a child,
will I be considered mature enough?
Will I be really considered as a grown up?
Will they stop being demanding?

If there is a guarantee about that, let’s say if there is,
I might change my personality in a second right away.
But the thing is… there is NO guarantee about that.
And… above of all…
If I choose to neglect the inner personality of mine,
for the sake of society acceptance,
is that still considered as being grown up?

Lately I have been thinking about one question,

What should I do… how should I act…
to make them keep their mouth shut and stop asking me to be someone “new” without really guiding and teaching me how.

I am just tired of this society.